Today is about Transcendence

Today My FOCUS was primarily on a coaching call with Joy from www.nakedfemine.com

Before the call I spent time with my daily journal.  My angel card reading for today was:

Transcendence

You know, the difficulties in life do not have to be unbearable.  It is the way tha we look at them  through faith or unbelief. 

~  Brother Lawrence, French Carmelite monk (1611- 1691) in The Practice of the Presence of God

And the songs recommended were:

1. Evanescene - "My Imortal"
2. Sarah McLachlan - "Angel"
3. Rob D "Clubbed to Death" from the Matrix

I didn't have a chance to listen/watch the videos on YouTube before the coaching call, and as I was writing up my review notes at the end, I hit "play" on video still up on my screen.  I was immediately brought to tears.  The call had brought up issues of a lifetimes of fears that have been holding me back.  My  fear of being visible ~ seen by everyone.  It may seem like a silly thing to a lot of people, yet for me it can be paralyzing.  A great part of me would prefer to stay small, and quiet and make sure no one notices me. I know this isn't in my best interest, or the interest of others, yet the fear is more intense than what I felt driving home on the icy roads last night.

In the coaching call we talked about the foundation of this fear.  This fear that may have started in childhood.  What we uncovered was my fear of being bossy!

Yes!  I was a bossy little girl!  I knew what I wanted, and I pushed people around to get what I wanted.


And I was reminded at every turn that this wasn't what a good girl does.  And I was often punished for it.

It seems I've been carrying this around with me for a very, very long time.  The knowledge that I'm able to lead, that I'm confident and bold, but that sometimes people don't want you to be that way!  I've had my moments, and then I "shrink back" into some smaller version of myself.  I shrink, because I don't want you to think I'm bossy!  I don't want you think I'm trying to control you.  Or worse yet, have people wonder if I think I'm better than them.

So that little girl in me decides it's safer to be quiet and hide.

And then I hit play on the video!  It was "as if" I heard myself singing to that little girl inside of me ~and I cried.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

[Chorus]



[Thanks to lilstraykitty for these lyrics]
[Thanks to sugarhigh, scotthenderson, russy_b88, back2thefuture2 for correcting these lyrics]

Evanescene - "My Imortal"

Sarah McLachlan - "Angel"

And Rob D "Clubbed to Death" from the Matrix

I'm hoping there will be a "Coming Out" party soon!  I'll keep writing here, about my daily journals & where they lead me.  I've been using these Angel cards for a long time now (almost 2 years) and they've brought me comfort, enlightenment, truth and joy on many occasions.

You can purchase the Angel Cards I'm using at Amazon: